What's happening to me??

I've lived the longest life that some how happens to be short. How is that?? Why does time seem to move slower when the bad things start to happen. I daydream enough to remember rolling through the bad times and wish I could go back to change it. Why can't the time move a little faster through the bad and slower through the good?? Why have my actions impacted me more today then they did when it happened?? I shouldn't reminisce about it. I tell Rolling Girl J that all the time. "Don't be so stuck on your past". "Make new memories to replace the old". It's harder than it looks. And even then, it can look difficult on the other side as well. I walk past billions of different people and wonder if their lives are easier than my own. I know they aren't, but I like to imagine. I like to think people have smooth running lives where things are simple. Again, I know they aren't. I'm scared of living the world of reality, my own world seems more realistic than this one. In my world, people are happy. They work through problems by simply asking one another for help. The only violence is when someone throws a blue shell at their cart or shoots them in a game. People have significant others that care for them and are willing to work things through. They're willing to help each other and stay with their lover until the bitter end, which doesn't always happen. It's full of people from different planets that aren't judged. Androids that sing beautifully sung songs. Pets that communicate with one another and actually get along. Men from a different planet who have a silly personality for each one. People from different countries that really do get along, unlike their people. Robots that can be mean, happy, space crazy, stereotypical, give false facts, ask a lot of questions, make bad cake, snarl or don't speak at all. Birds that are big enough to ride on, but have a human soul. Princesses and knights who are descendants of one another, but are still the same person. People who use large keys to fight the true bad guys. People with ice cold fingertips and lips, but have a warm heart. Children who are smart, sweet and happy. Angels who are two sides of the same coin, but have some differences. Gods and Goddesses who slack of and make bets, but are there for when the sake of humanity needs it. Yes, even boys who are scared, have a stutter and get bullied in another world, but taken away to live in this Temple of Nature and beauty. Where you can see the stars, hear the sound of birds singing their little tunes, grass fresh and greener than ever and air you can smell. These people, this world, is one I rather live in than the one where I live now. In the world I live in, people are rude. Judgmental. Mean. Cruel. Selfish. Hurtful. Addicts. Polluters. Bullies. Killers. Thieves. Cheaters. Liars. Why would I want to live in this reality when things are more simple in my reality?? The closest of the close can go. Those who need to live this new reality for they can no longer take what our old reality threw at us. Those who need saving from going down a sharp, silver path. Isn't that right, Rolling Girl M and J?? This is the Rolling Girl K, who continues rolling on for those who need me and those who love me. I will roll once more for all of you. *throws fist in the air* Once more, once more...................

Small thoughts

I can't live in this house anymore. I'm getting sick and tired of it. It's going to drive me crazy one day, it really will. My cousin has been having problems with her boyfriend and he did something wrong. I don't know what he did, but it was stupid enough for her to go out looking for him and then beat him senseless. At least that's what I heard. This family is full of assholes and liars anyway, so I don't know who to call my friends and who to call an asshole. With the exception of my grandfather and my mum, I think this whole family is made up to be jerks and liars. Anyway, my cousin must have snapped because she began to act strange. How strange?? Well, strange enough to call her mum and try to preform an exorcism on her. That's not what she needs. What she needs is a slap in the face and a bit of reality. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU GO BACK TO HIM?? WHY WOULD YOU STILL STAY WITH HIM?? If he isn't of ANY help with your child, it's time to say GET LOST and be the mother you have to be. None of this,"he doesn't love me", "no one loves me" BULLSHIT. Why is it so damn important to have a boyfriend nowadays?? I'm not implying anything, I just want to know why you absolutely NEED a boyfriend. If you're happy without one, don't go looking for one because it won't be the end of the world if you don't get a boyfriend. Oh, he won't help you take care of your child?? Then he isn't goddamn worth the trouble and the crying. Just, enough already, please. I'd like to pretend that our house isn't full of screaming banshees and murders. Whatever. I'm done, if you need my help, don't expect for much because my advice would be the exact type of thing you DON'T want to here. Again, whatever. On a completely different and sane topic, I started thinking to myself one night(one of the many nights in which I still couldn't bring myself to fall asleep). I started to think about my childhood and the thoughts I used to have when I was little. Most of the thoughts where actually, believe it or not, about finding someone to live your typical "happily-ever-after". Yes, I'm talking about me wanting to live a princess life. Why?? Because even at a young age, I knew where we were living was complete crap. I wanted to live somewhere better, cleaner, and live a(I guess you could say) rich life. Even if it wasn't the best "castle" to live in, hey. Something is better than nothing. I can't say, "oh, don't tell my family this" because let's be honest, you probably wouldn't know my family(*glares at the two people who actually know me*), but still. Don't tell anyone and don't mention it to anyone, but sometimes I still think about what it would be like to be a princess. It's stupid, but you know what?? SHUT UP. I'm still the same person, I'd still have the same thoughts, even if it's just to mess around with myself. Finding a "Prince Charming", might be closer than you'd think. Anyway, I should wrap this up. I might do another "small thoughts" blog like this one. It feels nice to get some things out of your head every once and while.This is the Rolling Girl K, who continues rolling on for those who need me and those who love me. I will roll once more for all of you. *throws fist in the air* Once more, once more................... 

Rolling Girl M

So far, this summer has been nothing, but frustrating for me. I feel as though something is keeping the two of us apart, you know, with me and Rolling Girl M. She's the greatest friend I could ever ask for, and yet I don't live close enough to see her or hang out with her as often as I wish. And of course, it bugs me. Bugs the hell out of me. With her mum and my mum never really agreeing on what days we can see each other, drives me to become even MORE frustrated. YES, I know you don't like the neighborhood. YES, I know it's difficult for us to hang out because we're not bloody rich. YES, I know that, I know all of that. I'm not bloody stupid. *sighs* Whatever. I can't really seem to meet any of my friends this summer. Rolling Girl J keeps saying how her parents won't let her, and she has to babysit her sister, and she's busy doing something. With that girl, it's one excuse after another. Rolling Boy A, a friend I don't believe I've mentioned, can't really come over either, seeing how his dad never really lets him GO anywhere without having a few chores for him to do, causing less hang out time for the both of us. I love those two, I honestly do. The one I really, really, REALLY want to see is the one who actually gets me excited. The one who doesn't try to be what she's not; Rolling Girl M. Yes, we're going back to Rolling Girl M. Don't think I've forgotten about her because I haven't. Unlike Rolling Girl J and Rolling Boy A, she never really saw things from my point of view(long story). She was always her little(she's actually tall......) self. Of course, she was fascinated with my stories of my other friends. She would listen for hours, laugh at the right places and understood what I've been through. As the months went by, she was able to meet them. Maybe not physically, but through the phone, sadly enough. I have a feeling she'll be able to actually meet them one day, though. Anyway, the main reason she is my friend is because she was something I'm not: strong, optimistic and does not care of what others think of her. I felt as though I need a friend like that. A friend that was strong, whether physically or mentally, that can help me through any of my troubles when the time was needed. A friend who always looked on the bright side of life(anyone know that song?? Good song) and tried to keep my spirits up, even if I was too down in the dumps to think positively. A friend who doesn't care how people see her and her wonderful sense of style, humor, music and so forth, and to tell  me, "If I don't care how people look at me, neither should you". I was thought to believe I had a friend like that when I met that ONE girl. That ONE girl, this was in middle school(starting with 6th grade),  had ridiculed me for my friends and my sense of style, then had the audacity to say she had liked all of that and were friends with mine BEFORE me. I thought that ONE girl was my friend and I thought she had the same personality as Rolling Girl M(this was WAY before I met her, however), but I was wrong. That ONE girl was no different from all those popular girls and boys that had teased and ridiculed me throughout Middle School. I digress, Rolling Girl M is perfect in ever way possible. Well, to ME, that is. To me(and Gilbert, a very good friend of mine), she is the greatest person in the world. And I have faith in her. This is the Rolling Girl K, who continues rolling on for those who need me and those who love me. I will roll once more for all of you. *throws fist in the air* Once more, once more...................

Getting closer to the end of a long journey

The end of the school year is coming by quickly at my school. It feels like it was just yesterday that I met Rolling Girl J...For some odd reason, I don't really believe I've come a long way to get to where I am now...I don't know, but I just don't. Do I feel useless?? Maybe I feel like everything I've done in my life was pointless...It probably isn't, in fact, I highly doubt it. I just feel this way. Maybe it's because I keep thinking of the times I've gotten hurt, stabbed in the back and laughed at. I should be thinking about the good times I've had. I've also done things that are maybe nearly impossible for others to do. Maybe I'm not the best looking out there and maybe I'm not the smartest(Seriously, that part I honestly believe. I don't think I'm too smart.) person in the world, but I'm making friends all the time. I'm meeting new people, people who care and love me for me. Maybe that might not be as important as actually graduating and getting my dream job(Manga artist), but to me...that's pretty damn special. I know, my actions are stupid and my attitude is worse than a certain Prince, but believe me, I'm not always like that. I do get frustrated a lot(easily too), get a little "bitchy" about things and throw tantrums like the biggest baby in the universe...but that's, sadly enough, the way I am. My friend, Kiku Honda, is giving me "lessons" on how to better the way I act...Is it working?? Well, I don't really know...I HOPE so. I've been a huge dick to my mum for too long and I know there really isn't a way to make up for that. The only thing I can really do is change the way I act now. Speaking of my mum, her boyfriend(in which I actually have to start treating him nicely...kinda been a dick to him too) asked her to marry him. And she said yes. Did this bother me?? Honestly, no, it didn't. Why?? I don't know. I talked to a friend of mine and he said it was because I actually LIKE my mum's boyfriend. I didn't at first. I treated him so horribly. Maybe I was hoping for my parents to actually get back together and if there was no "significant other" involved that WASN'T my mum or dad, it might actually work. Of course, it didn't. HE found someone that HE "loved" and my mum found someone she loved. What was I afraid of?? Being replaced, being pushed around, being talked down to, the love that the two, whether my mum's boyfriend shared with my mum or SHE shared with HIM, had wouldn't be real, like a big trick. My imagination gets the best of me a lot. It REALLY does. Anyway, I was afraid and wanted my family back. The family that had been taking care of me ever since I was a baby, I wanted it back. I had so many good memories of that little family and I hated seeing all of that changing. All that has changed now...well, with my mum and her boyfriend. Not so much with HIM and HER. Still hate that woman and always will. That's not important to me right now, what is is that I've found a new family. A new family, new friends and more memories to make with them. Even if a few people have been replaced as the one I "truly love", doesn't mean that they don't have a special place in my heart for them. Because they always will. I may have changed a lot since I was little, but I'm still me. And even if one does not love oneself, it doesn't mean one is not loved. This is the Rolling Girl K, who continues rolling on for those who need me and those who love me. I will roll once more for all of you. *throws fist in the air* Once more, once more...................

Rolling Girl J

During the beginning of this week, I had noticed something was off. One of my Rolling Girls, Rolling Girl J had not arrived at school. I had also noticed she did not make an appearance last Friday either. I started to worry. The Rolling Girls and Boys at my school who knew Rolling Girl J had told me not to worry about her. I couldn't help but worry, even just the slightest. Unlike me, Rolling Girl J always went to school. Never missed a day, at least not that I know of. I had tried texting her, contacting her through Facebook, calling her, but none of those worked. I was going to visit her at her house to make sure she was okay, but I wasn't too sure if her parents would be okay with that. Rolling Girl J had strict parents. They made sure to keep her in line, unlike with her older brother and her younger sister. She couldn't take living with them and often complained to me. Even though I couldn't really do much, I listened to her and tried my best to give her advice. Funny thing is, I can never give myself advice when I need it, but I can to those who need or want it. Anyway, Rolling Girl J has told me before that she gets into fights very often with her mum and that her mum has told her to "leave the house" and she "would not care if she had ran away". Remembering this made me worry more than I should've. During this week, and a small part of last week, I had a friend over. Rolling Boy A. His dad had gone to Texas for a funeral and had no one to watch him. So, like the good people and friends we are, me and my mum had him sleepover at our house. I was talking to Rolling Boy A while he was playing Skyrim on the PS3 my mum's boyfriend gave me for my 15th birthday, when my phone had buzzed. I had just gotten a text message. I look at the screen to see who it is and it's a number I haven't seen before. I text the number back, asking who it was, and it turned out to be Rolling Girl J. I had forgotten that I deleted her number by accident, but I still quickly texted her back, asking her where she has been. She told me she has been at a Mental Hospital. I was confused. She wasn't as different as I, but still a whole lot different. What could have she said that made her therapist take her to the Mental Hospital? Was I next?? I was worried, and couldn't stop thinking something could happen to me and her in the future. I finally got my response from her, and quickly unlocked my phone to answer it. "Remember when my therapist took me out of 5th period on Thursday??" Yeah, I remembered. I was so bored and lonely. She left me with a group of idiotic Rolling Girls and Boys, I prayed to God that class SCHOOL would be over soon. "Well, they asked me about my uncle and what I would've done to him." I thought about this and remembered; she was raped by her uncle at a young age and despised him, making sure he knew she was serious about what she would do to him if he ever went never her sister or her cousins. That hadn't stopped him before. She's told me he's done it before!!! Yet, when she had the chance to put him in jail, she didn't!!! Why?? She didn't want his son or daughter(I can't recall) to grow up without a father. It was no excuse!!! Family is there to help you when your in need(not my Aunt Diana and her kids, though. The could care less about the house, us and the rest of the family), they will be there willing to help you!! But I digress, she told me that she had told her therapist, if she had the chance, she would KILL her uncle, to make sure he did not repeat the action. ISN'T THAT WHAT JAIL IS FOR, ROLLING GIRL J?!?!?! *frustrated sigh* Anyway, she had also told her therapist she probably would kill him with a gun that her friend's dad owns. I don't know who this friend of hers is, but I don't know why she would tell Rolling Girl J her parents own a gun. Continuing on the story, she said after she had said that, her therapist kept her after school for a little longer and that they had then taken her to the Mental Hospital in an ambulance. She had said she met some new friends, but she was not really allowed to be in contact with them. Mostly physical and through the phone as well. When she had finally made an appearance on Wednesday, I was more than happy to see her. I had been quiet and alone the time she was gone. Rolling Boy A was NO help, leaving me for his other friends instead of, I don't know, maybe inviting me along?? As of now, I still worry about Rolling Girl J, but I'm just glad she continues to roll, no matter how bumpy the road is. This is the Rolling Girl K, who continues rolling on for those who need me and those who love me. I will roll once more for all of you. *throws fist in the air* Once more, once more...................

Who am I??

I am a Rolling Girl K. One of the many, actually. The road of rolling is long, bumpy and hard, but I have to continue. I have two other rolling girls with me. They are my close friends. They are also rolling girls. I guess you could say they've wanted to stop rolling for some time now. Rolling Girl M has been my best friend since 9th grade. The first time we met was after school in tutoring. Normally, you're supposed to learn in tutoring and get help, which we did...........we just played and talked to each other more than what we were supposed to do.The school only cared about academics and the scores of the Rolling Boys and Girls. If you had a problem, you'd have to get over it. It wasn't really any help in the world of rolling. Me and Rolling Girl M had been through so much together. When I was upset, she did everything she could to make me feel better. To be honest, it always worked. I just couldn't be upset around her. When her mum actually let her come over to my house over the weekend, in which she would drop off my Rolling Girl at my house around 8 in the morning, I couldn't help, but give a smile that reached ear to ear. She always made my day. She had a boyfriend, in which we call him Weedkiller now, that she kept getting into fights with. My mum always told me not to get into others businesses, but like any other teenager, I sure as heck didn't listen. See, Rolling Girl M was a lot like............that man.............he wasn't the best at saying what he meant. In fact, he was the worst. I used to be his little girl, but ever since that day he threw me and my mum in the trash like we were nothing and went with that stupid woman, I've despised him and never looked at him the same way. I understand he just did not love my mum anymore, but still. How can you not?? She was a ray of sunshine, the piece to everyone's puzzle. She kept us together and she is the absolute best mother out there. And you just don't love her anymore??? I doubt it. Anyway, Rolling Girl M was horrible at saying what she meant. Only I really knew what she was trying to say and "translated" what she meant to say to her boyfriend. He still never really understood her and became jealous whenever she hugged one of her guy friends and secluded himself around our mini group. So, one day, they had gotten into ANOTHER argument. It was so bad, it made Weedkiller cry. A few days later Rolling Girl M showed me a message that one of her so-called-friend sent her. I was angry, furious, in fact. Once again, a few days later, Rolling Girl M and Weedkiller had gotten in an argument. Like an idiot, I stood next to her while she talked to him, "translating" what she was telling him. It worked out. I was going to go home, they, tutoring, until that so-called-friend of Rolling Girl M's came. She started yelling at me, telling me to stop yelling at Weedkiller. I told her calmly, I wasn't yelling, I was talking to him. Chickie Poo, there IS a difference. Anyway, her yelling at me.............not really doing anyone any good. Look, you want to start a yelling and insult throwing contest?? Bring it. I can win in a second flat. I have experience. PLENTY of it. That's how the argument between me and the so-called-friend started and ended. At one point, I made the mistake of calling her fake, as in fake friend, for what she had sent Rolling Girl M. The so-called-friend became so loud, you could hear her from the back of the school. Mind you, our school is pretty small and we share the same "yard" as the middle school which was actually right across from the high school. Long story short, I couldn't be friends with Rolling Girl M and was not allowed to hang around her because the principal was being a huge...............anyway. It was hard for me. We're still friends today, and I make sure to talk to her everyday I get out of school, since I could not take it at that hell of a school and moved to the school CLOSER to my house, even though it was said to be worse............everything wise. That's where I met Rolling Girl J. Much like Rolling Girl M, she loved anime and all the Japanese things that had interested me. So you know, we became quick friends. Birds of a feather, flock together.She had a harder life than Rolling Girl M and I, but some how, continued to roll. She is a lot more confusing than Rolling Girl M, but of course, she is still my friend. We first met in Geometry class on the first day of school. She had longer hair, but cut it into a mohawk after the first day. Now, it's weird to think about her with long hair, no joke. Anyway, Rolling Girl J was a lot easier to cheer up than Rolling Girl M. With Rolling Girl M, it was change the subject and make it a totally awesome subject. For Rolling Girl J.........all you really had to do was mention something she remembers that she really liked and BOOM. Better. Easy. We hang out in my teacher's class during lunch and he puts on an anime for the class............well.......our tiny anime club actually. It's always something different and it's fun to watch with two other students who also love anime. We happen to be watching D. Grey Man right now and I told Rolling Girl J, "My favorite character in the anime, does nothing". I was referring to Timcanpy, however, I believe, sooner or later, I'm going to regret saying he does nothing. Still, next to Allen Walker, my favorite character is Timcanpy. However, I digress, Rolling Girl J and M are my best friends. They have no idea what they are capable of. I really wish they knew how much they mean to me, along with my other friends in which no one knows of, because they are all worth fighting for, and I'd do anything for them. Even my mother, the person who was ACTUALLY able to stand my constant yelling, whining, throwing and breaking objects and other stupid things I have done and sometimes continue to do. This is the Rolling Girl K, who continues rolling on for those who need me and those who love me. I will roll once more for all of you. *throws fist in the air* Once more, once more...................